Balik Tanaw habang walang araw..

It's currently raining right now.. They said that this typhoon is a super typhoon.. After a disastrous one (Typhoon Ondoy) comes another one.. (Typhoon Pepeng)... But this is not the concern of this post...

When I were in my elementary level, I was not used to being responsible. Somehow, I made it to the top 10 just for some sheer luck or something of that sort. I was not the type who would tell my father to buy books for me to read or tell my mother to read me stories at night. My father and mother were busy individuals so to say. My father is a soldier who is most of the time at work. My mother is running a small sari sari store business. My elementary years had been completed with little fuzz. It was only during my last grade level that I felt the pressure. I had to be a little serious for my future depends on my education.

When I were on the last grade level , I had to choose on which school to go to. As I said, I was the easy-go-lucky type. I have no passion for studying. I open notes and books only during the night before examinations. On the edge of my decision making for secondary education, I had one very memorable thought. On my way of making up my mind, my father remarked that, "If you won't be part of the CNSHS, then, you'd better not study.." I was shocked. I never knew that being not serious with studies could make me loose even my future. I don't know whether the remark given by my father is serious or not. But it served as my guide. From then on, I did my best to improve my skills. Mathematical, scientific and linguistic. All at a time. Whew... I knew that I have a long mile to work out. On my way to discovering things, I have found that I knew nothing. It seems that I have not learned a thing. Gee.. On my way towards improvement, I made goals that never crossed my mind before. One of them is to become part of the top five. My faint memory told me that during one of the quarters in my last grade level, there had been a time when 3 people had this tie on the 4th, 5th and 6th level. I was really happy for I was one of them. We all were ranked 5th.

And that was all that was said. During our time, only the first five pupils will receive a medal.

I remembered when I were in Nursery. I could still remember that I was one of the bright ones. I am the third in my section. The second is my crush and the first is a close friend. I received a medal for some luck because only the top 3 students were awarded. Sadly, I never gave credits to my medal when I have learned that the donor of my medal is my father... hahaha. Somehow, I felt that the award is fake. Something made up. I felt that I did not deserve the award. And did you know what I did, I used it as "pamato sa supo". Hahaha. I am such a naughty boy back then. Now I realized so much. That the act is not to degrade the award. It simply is an act that shows how my parents value my education.

As I was saying, Only the first five will receive a medal. Luckily, when the announcement was made, I am not part of the five stars. It somehow did hurt. I was not expecting so much but I knew that I did my part. But all I got was I think not enough to make it to the top. Perhaps my classmates are better. During the graduation, I still managed to get a medal.. Mind you, the award is "best in religion".. perhaps there's a message behind it. Sure enough.

The experience made me pray hard for whatever I want. For me to decipher what HE wants for me and not what I want. There were six of us who took the entrance exam at CNSHS. All male pupils. And it was given to me.. Only three of us qualified - the first, second and me.. Some of the members of the top ten are girls. They expressed no desire to study there.. And we on the other hand felt the pressure.

I have not explored the idea of what would become of me had I not qualified. Will I still be me had I not gone through my experiences. Haays.. It was only during this rainy day that I did explore my past. Fortunate are we who are safe. Blessed are those who are tested. And Loved are we all by HIM.